A Mile in His Shoes

When my son wakes up in the morning, the first thing he does is check his iPhone.  He eventually gets out of bed, does what needs doing in the washroom and then begins to scrounge through the cupboards in search of food. Once all of this is done and he is ready to eat, he pulls his meter out of his pocket and tests.

I constantly ask why he doesn’t test as soon as he wakes up? When I wake up in the morning, and it’s not a school day, my first stop is his room to test him.  After that I do the rest of my morning routine but testing is first on the list before all else and it’s not my body.  Why can’t he do that, I often wonder.

Today I thought about it a little bit more. For years I have questioned things like forgetting to bolus.  He has had to have insulin with his food for as long as he can remember and long before that. How can he forget to bolus?  How can he go for days and days without changing an infusion set? Doesn’t the adhesive begin to annoy him? And the list of questions go on.

But what if I was the person living with diabetes? Would I still be as diligent? I have a hard time sticking to a diet.  I can do a new exercise routine for three weeks and when it is supposed to become habit, for me it becomes annoying and I usually come up with a thousand excuses and eventually stop. How would I then handle a routine that had to last me for the rest of my natural life?

I could count the carbs at every meal. That is habit. I do that all the time now.  In fact, recently a friend and I were out to dinner. I was ready to tell him how many carbs in his supper when I realized that it wasn’t necessary.  We didn’t need to count the carbs.  My son wasn’t there.

What about site changes? The other day, my son said that he should get to do one on me in exchange for all of the infusion sets that I have put in him over the years. I declined. Would I be like him and put off changing them for as long as possible? I would probably need to use numbing cream ( he hasn’t used it in years).  The noise of the insertion launching device would freak me out. I would probably also be looking for someone else to do it for me so I didn’t pull away.

Testing? Would I test as often as I should? Possibly. I might be okay here because I would have to use AST.  I have tested on my arm before. It was completely painless. That amazed me! Lancing my fingers?? Well that would take a lot more effort and my son makes it look like no big deal.  Once again, what’s with the big bang of the lancet? That noise scares the begeebees out of me! I wouldn’t be worried about drawing attention to myself in public because…well I just don’t really care about stuff like that most of the time.

If I walked in my son’s shoes, would I be better at my care? Perhaps but I am a bit older than him.  If I walked in my son’s shoes when I was 15, would I be better at my care than he is? I remember what I was doing at 15 and 16 years old.  Diabetes would not have been a welcomed addition to my awkward new life.  I’ll have to try to remember that a little more. I am trying but when your child’s life depends on something like insulin injections and blood glucose testing, it can be hard to remain relaxed and easy going. I will work on focusing how ill-fitting his shoes are when I try them on. They are his shoes. I can lace them for him but he will one day have to walk in them alone…and as a mother, that still remains scary.

shoes
His dirty running shoes, my pasty legs

What? No Blood? No Tears? What happened?

Wow! Did that really happen? Was it really that painless? Did I miss something? Why am I not ready to cry in frustration? Are we making progress?

The other day, I sat down with our notebook. Its the one that says what sort of workout my son did, how intense it was and what we did about diabetes care as well as what sort of results were had. I asked for his meter and I plugged it into my iPod.  It had only been a few days since I had done this. I was still a little nervous about what I would find. 

Despite the fact that bg level reviews are supposed to be a time for discussion and learning, they normally are times when I cringe and want to cry while my son glazes over and comes up with strange excuses for missed readings. This time was very different!

I noted the readings.  We talked about foods before exercise. We talked about foods after exercise. He talked about how he felt exercising with various foods in his system.  We looked at missed readings and high readings. He was quick to point out his own errors and state that he needed to improve to get back to that guy he had been the week before.

I told him he had done really well. I was impressed.  He walked away with his own definition of what needed to be done and I did a small bit of tweaking based on my own feelings.  The biggest shock was the feelings and the atmosphere when the process was over…It was great! There was peace.

I felt good. I was happy to see readings and an interest. He felt pretty happy with things in general. He had seen decent numbers and had a strategy for readings that were a little off.  There was no blood spilt.  There were no tears.  Could we be making progress??

He goes away in a week and will be on his own for his diabetes care. This is normally a time when he applies the motto “When the cat’s away, the mouse will play!” or his his case when the mouse is away from the cat but you get the idea! I have been reading Moira McCarthy’s book as often as I can.(Blog review to come later!) I think I have a better grasp of will most likely happen while he is gone and why.  I think I may be better able to handle it when he comes back…well maybe…well I will try anyway! For now, I will just savor a really nice sharing of diabetes information with my son. drama