Diabetes care is tiring and I feel guilty

diabetes care is tiring

I am worn out, dragged out, dead tired…after just two nights of diabetes care.

I am out of practice.

I want a Continuous Glucose Monitor.

I want a cure.

I feel guilty. I can’t wait to get my sleep back again.

My sons came to visit for a few days.  It was the best Easter gift…having both of my boys here with me for Easter dinner! I was over the moon.

Diabetes had to tag along for the ride.  It could have stayed behind.  It played better than it has on some visits, however.

His blood glucose level was perfect. It made me worry.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got up to check my youngest son’s blood glucose levels on the first night.  He was a perfect 5 (90).  I didn’t sleep.

He was perfect. Exactly in range.  What was next? Would he rise? Would he go low? I didn’t sleep. I rested now and then. I checked.  He dropped a bit. Not enough to worry about. I tried to sleep. I worried instead.

The next night his blood glucose was high.

The next night we had the opposite problem.  The cartridge in his insulin pump had run low. His blood glucose went up.  It didn’t go up as high as it had on previous visits.  He is even more fixated on his health and improving his control on his own.  He corrected. He had command of this.

Once again I awoke during the night. I went to his room and checked. He was high still. He corrected.  I went back to bed.  I wondered if he would drop. I wondered if he would go higher.  I worried. I tried to sleep but I worried.

Tonight he is back home. He will be in charge of his own care again. He will be the one to wake.  I will wake up just like I have for too many years.  I will wonder what his readings are but I will be able to roll over and go back to sleep. I won’t be kept awake with a low. I won’t wonder which direction a high will take even with a correction. I will simply roll over and try to sleep…but I will feel guilty because I can just roll over.

Diabetes care is tiring but I get a break.

I put in my time. I had 16 plus years of sleepless nights between babies and diabetes.  My son has had 16 years of diabetes too. He doesn’t get an end.  

As I said, he has become very conscious of his health and his body. He told me that he already has one faulty organ, so he has to make sure that he doesn’t have any more.

He is growing up.  He is a young adult now. He takes most things in stride.  I still wish that he could have an end to testing, injecting, carb counting, lows, highs and all of the rest.  Wishing doesn’t make it so. Feeling guilty doesn’t change allow us to change places.  This is just the way it is.   I will keep wishing for that day when I can say “that was the way it was.”

Error 5

error 5I looked over and my clock said 3:00am exactly. My mind said, “what are you doing awake?” My heart said, “Get your sorry butt out of bed and check your child’s blood sugar.” Stupid heart!

I keep lighting to a minimum during these checks because basically, I don’t want to wake myself up. I know how hard it is to get me back to sleep and I really don’t want to experience that sort of torture.  I found a meter on the kitchen table. I inserted a test strip, grabbed a lancing device and headed up the stairs to check my sleeping child’s blood.  

My mind was screaming, “You’ve only just fallen asleep so you KNOW he is going to be low! You are just never going to get any sleep tonight!”

I tried to ignore myself. I searched for an available finger and eventually wrestle it down. The blood flow was good that night. He must have been high. I waited for those five seconds to see…..Error 5.

What the…..???? What the heck is an “error 5” anyway? Back downstairs to get another test strip. Stupid meter. There was a tonne of blood. Did the diabetes gods not realize that this is just going to wake me up?? I did not need exercise at 3am! 

Okay, new test strip, back upstairs, wrestle finger again, lots of blood still, strip full and…..Error 5.  What the heck is a flippin’ Error 5??? I had had enough! Back downstairs I went for the third freaking time.

Can you tell that diabetes had done it and woken me up? Yep, I was awake and I was not taking this crap from this meter. I grabbed its identical, although slightly different colored twin, who was coded for the same test strip lot. I also grabbed the bottle of test strips. I would get a reading without doing my morning workout on the stairs!

Again, I found a hand as it stretches in its sleep.  I snafu’d it quickly and lanced it. The blood remained lovely and deep red. Strip sipped said blood and….Finally a reading of 7.5 (135)! Good enough for me. I didn’t need a perfect 7. I needed some sleep! 



Stupid diabetes!