A Mile in His Shoes

When my son wakes up in the morning, the first thing he does is check his iPhone.  He eventually gets out of bed, does what needs doing in the washroom and then begins to scrounge through the cupboards in search of food. Once all of this is done and he is ready to eat, he pulls his meter out of his pocket and tests.

I constantly ask why he doesn’t test as soon as he wakes up? When I wake up in the morning, and it’s not a school day, my first stop is his room to test him.  After that I do the rest of my morning routine but testing is first on the list before all else and it’s not my body.  Why can’t he do that, I often wonder.

Today I thought about it a little bit more. For years I have questioned things like forgetting to bolus.  He has had to have insulin with his food for as long as he can remember and long before that. How can he forget to bolus?  How can he go for days and days without changing an infusion set? Doesn’t the adhesive begin to annoy him? And the list of questions go on.

But what if I was the person living with diabetes? Would I still be as diligent? I have a hard time sticking to a diet.  I can do a new exercise routine for three weeks and when it is supposed to become habit, for me it becomes annoying and I usually come up with a thousand excuses and eventually stop. How would I then handle a routine that had to last me for the rest of my natural life?

I could count the carbs at every meal. That is habit. I do that all the time now.  In fact, recently a friend and I were out to dinner. I was ready to tell him how many carbs in his supper when I realized that it wasn’t necessary.  We didn’t need to count the carbs.  My son wasn’t there.

What about site changes? The other day, my son said that he should get to do one on me in exchange for all of the infusion sets that I have put in him over the years. I declined. Would I be like him and put off changing them for as long as possible? I would probably need to use numbing cream ( he hasn’t used it in years).  The noise of the insertion launching device would freak me out. I would probably also be looking for someone else to do it for me so I didn’t pull away.

Testing? Would I test as often as I should? Possibly. I might be okay here because I would have to use AST.  I have tested on my arm before. It was completely painless. That amazed me! Lancing my fingers?? Well that would take a lot more effort and my son makes it look like no big deal.  Once again, what’s with the big bang of the lancet? That noise scares the begeebees out of me! I wouldn’t be worried about drawing attention to myself in public because…well I just don’t really care about stuff like that most of the time.

If I walked in my son’s shoes, would I be better at my care? Perhaps but I am a bit older than him.  If I walked in my son’s shoes when I was 15, would I be better at my care than he is? I remember what I was doing at 15 and 16 years old.  Diabetes would not have been a welcomed addition to my awkward new life.  I’ll have to try to remember that a little more. I am trying but when your child’s life depends on something like insulin injections and blood glucose testing, it can be hard to remain relaxed and easy going. I will work on focusing how ill-fitting his shoes are when I try them on. They are his shoes. I can lace them for him but he will one day have to walk in them alone…and as a mother, that still remains scary.

shoes
His dirty running shoes, my pasty legs

Who will do the pouring?

It was 6:30am.  I woke up in shock at first that I had slept so long and then calmed myself. I had gone to bed after 1am and my son was still up doing his “thing” for a few more hours.  He tests before he goes to bed so it was probably just the right time to test. And I was right…

I checked, doing my best to stay 3/4 asleep so I could doze instantly when I returned to bed.  He was low.  No such sleeping allowed. I got a glass of juice and told him to drink.  I continued my routine of heading back to my room to wait for 15 minutes.  As I headed back however, I began to think…what will he do when I am not there to wake him and bring him juice? I know that many adults with Type 1 diabetes handle it fine.  They have glucose or juice boxes by their beds. They wake up and deal with it. Its part of their lives…but this is my kid. He is not an adult that I know.  No matter how big he gets he’s my little boy.

I hope that he will wake on his own. I know he has done it (and complained about this new-found ability) when he was away from me. It still makes me worried. My son is very private about his diabetes. He is also very independent.  That is a good thing and a terrible thing for a mom.  I know he has good friends. I know that they would watch for him if he was living with one of them…but what if he wants to live alone? Well, he should have that right! But as his mom, I worry. I know it will sort itself out. I can’t borrow worry. I can’t predict the future.  At night, nightmares rear their heads though.

Its daytime now.  Time to focus on the today…like getting him to take out the garbage and Swifter the floors! He will soon be 16 and there will be enough to worry about with him learning how to drive.  I will save the worry about how he will handle nights alone for a few more years…or another late night/early morning low worrying session!

juice