I don’t have diabetes but diabetes can still bring me down.

tired thanks to diabetes Diabetes Advocacy

Diabetes is exhausting.  The emotional toll of check, calculate, bolus and more is incredible.

I am lucky.  I don’t have diabetes, but diabetes can still bring me down.  Because I don’t have diabetes, when it does tend to be too much I can step away. I can put it on the back burner and regroup before I dive in again. I wish everyone with diabetes had it that easy.

For years I was my son’s external pancreas.  It was exhausting.  I never slept more than four hours at a time.  If I woke up during the night, I checked his blood glucose levels.  We had no Continuous Glucose Monitor.  We just had me. It was my job to make sure that he was in range.  I was the one to calculate carbs, adjust insulin ratios and log blood glucose readings.

My son tested and learned alongside of me but I carried the bulk of the burden…until he turned 16.  At 16, he decided that he could handle it all.  He carried the entire burden for the next three years unless he was visiting me.  When he was with me, I took over as much as he wanted.

Taking over wasn’t the same as doing it 24/7.  That being said, being an external pancreas also wasn’t the same as being the one to experience the highs, lows and pokes with needles multiple times per day.  Not being able to “fix it” or take it away could (can) bring me down as much as the pressure of daily diabetes care.

I  still wish that I could take the pain away. I wish that my son would know a different life.  There isn’t a day that I don’t ache for the families and other people living with diabetes knowing that they can never stop testing or injecting.  Their very lives depended on it.

Knowing that fact can also cause sadness. I ache for families that struggle to keep their children safe in school. I get frustrated for those individuals who are fighting to receive insulin at a fair and decent price. My heart breaks for those who are having a hard time paying for their supplies and who can’t afford the best in diabetes care.

I don’t have diabetes.  Diabetes can bring me down but I won’t let it keep me down.  Each day I wake ready to work a little harder.  Each day I will share what has worked for us and hope to inspire and assist others living with diabetes.  I will continue to work with individuals and groups to create better care for people with diabetes regardless of education or income level.  Diabetes can bring me down but it will not win. My battle won’t end until a cure is found. Don’t give up either. We are here for you!

Talk to more people living with diabetes and advocating for a better life in our online Facebook community.

Diabetes care is tiring and I feel guilty

diabetes care is tiring

I am worn out, dragged out, dead tired…after just two nights of diabetes care.

I am out of practice.

I want a Continuous Glucose Monitor.

I want a cure.

I feel guilty. I can’t wait to get my sleep back again.

My sons came to visit for a few days.  It was the best Easter gift…having both of my boys here with me for Easter dinner! I was over the moon.

Diabetes had to tag along for the ride.  It could have stayed behind.  It played better than it has on some visits, however.

His blood glucose level was perfect. It made me worry.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got up to check my youngest son’s blood glucose levels on the first night.  He was a perfect 5 (90).  I didn’t sleep.

He was perfect. Exactly in range.  What was next? Would he rise? Would he go low? I didn’t sleep. I rested now and then. I checked.  He dropped a bit. Not enough to worry about. I tried to sleep. I worried instead.

The next night his blood glucose was high.

The next night we had the opposite problem.  The cartridge in his insulin pump had run low. His blood glucose went up.  It didn’t go up as high as it had on previous visits.  He is even more fixated on his health and improving his control on his own.  He corrected. He had command of this.

Once again I awoke during the night. I went to his room and checked. He was high still. He corrected.  I went back to bed.  I wondered if he would drop. I wondered if he would go higher.  I worried. I tried to sleep but I worried.

Tonight he is back home. He will be in charge of his own care again. He will be the one to wake.  I will wake up just like I have for too many years.  I will wonder what his readings are but I will be able to roll over and go back to sleep. I won’t be kept awake with a low. I won’t wonder which direction a high will take even with a correction. I will simply roll over and try to sleep…but I will feel guilty because I can just roll over.

Diabetes care is tiring but I get a break.

I put in my time. I had 16 plus years of sleepless nights between babies and diabetes.  My son has had 16 years of diabetes too. He doesn’t get an end.  

As I said, he has become very conscious of his health and his body. He told me that he already has one faulty organ, so he has to make sure that he doesn’t have any more.

He is growing up.  He is a young adult now. He takes most things in stride.  I still wish that he could have an end to testing, injecting, carb counting, lows, highs and all of the rest.  Wishing doesn’t make it so. Feeling guilty doesn’t change allow us to change places.  This is just the way it is.   I will keep wishing for that day when I can say “that was the way it was.”